Heeeeere’s Johnny

The 2013 off-season has not been very kind to the legend of Johnny Manziel.  The boy wonder of Texas A&M has gone from the highly acclaimed Johnny Football to the highly ashamed Johnny Goofball.  It seems Manziel spent his entire off-season everywhere from Mexico to Canada.  He’s been seen anywhere from California to South Beach.  It seems Johnny has marched everywhere from sea to shining sea…well, except for College Station.

Johnny Football apparently hates College Station so much he chooses to take his classes online whenever possible.  In fact, seemingly the one time Manziel was on campus this off-season he got a parking ticket and tweeted, “Bull—- like tonight is the reason why I can’t wait to leave College Station….Whenever it may be.”  Well, according to his off-season tweets and stories Johnny evidently doesn’t like to march to his campus home very often.

Through his travels, Johnny Heisman has turned his off-season into a bizarre scripting of “Heisman Gone Wild” and while many in the media simply blame his exploits on being a rich and popular 20-year-old, we here at the Lighthouse want to shed a little extra light on his exploits.  Is Johnny just a goofball or does Johnny have some real problems?  Here’s a list of Manziel’s “accomplishments” during his offseason on the brink.  You be the judge of what it all means…

  • After beating Oklahoma, Manziel was shown in Oklahoma’s own Winstar Casino reenacting a Fistfull of Dollars.  Wanna make something of it?  Go ahead, make his day….
  • Before spring break, Manziel went to Toronto to hang with the rapper Drake.  He then made his way to Cabo and showed off this Texas Longhorns tattoo that he claimed was fake.  Is this what A&M fans mean by Gig ‘em cuz I’m pretty sure he’s gigging the Aggies here…
  • In March Johnny Football threw three interceptions to the defense during a spring practice.  After the last of them, he reacted by shoving graduate assistant who had the audacity to applaud the A&M defense.  C’mon, Johnny – be good!  If Johnny can’t handle what a GA says to him during a practice, this year is not going to end well for him.
  • In April, Manziel was accused of smoking weed when a picture was posted that allegedly had the Heisman Trophy holding a joint.  However, Johnny says it was photoshopped (and rumor has it Bill Clinton says Johnny didn’t inhale while the picture was taken, either)…
  • In June, he was courtside at the NBA finals cheering for his beloved LeBron take down his home state Spurs, certainly endearing himself even further to an additional part of the state of Texas.
  • July found Johnny Goofball getting kicked out of the highly acclaimed Manning passing camp.  Rumors circulated as to the “why” he was dismissed but one cannot question the stupidity of pissing in the Manning corn flakes by missing meetings and not fulfilling your obligations.  Heisman is as Heisman does….
  • The night after Manziel was kicked out of the Manning Passing camp, Twitter reports (honestly, you should hit this link as it’s a fascinating twitter account of where he was and what he was doing) indicated the grief-stricken Manziel was back at it in College Station’s North Gate entertainment district partying into the early hours of the morning.  Good time Johnny simply can’t be kept down by simple “dehydration” issues…
  • Later in July, after telling everyone who would listen that he would learn from his off-season transgressions, Johnny Highball was videoed getting kicked out of a University of Texas frat party.  Undaunted, he showed up the next day at another frat party while wearing a Tim Tebow jersey.  Oh the irony…
  • It should be stated that one report from Barstool Sports showed a Manziel-like figure smoking out of a bong at that same Texas frat party he was kicked out of.  Damn those Johnny Football doppelgangers!
  • Shortly after his Longhorn escapades made it to Twitter, our “misunderstood” Heisman winner fired snarky tweets at renowned Yahoo columnist Pat Forde on Twitter.   A juvenile and reckless act, to say the least.  So much for learning from his off-season issues.
  • ESPN’s Wright Thompson penned a fascinating piece on Johnny Football and the Manziel family.  He let us look behind the Johnny Football curtain and, instead of finding a wizard there we found an entitled and spoiled brat with anger management issues, throwing golf clubs in one paragraph and lashing out at his aunt in the next.
  • In the same piece, Manziel’s dad explained that Johnny drinks to escape pressure.  Perhaps he’ll conceal a flask in his flap jacket on Saturday’s – might be a good idea the way this season is shaping up for him.
  • Now, after the Manziel family complained about the NCAA and A&M overzealous compliance staffs who were constantly interrogating poor Johnny Football about his off-field activities, we now are told that he may have been paid over 10K to provide his signature on memorabilia.  The funny thing is in the Wright Thompson article Johnny admitted that the one thing that caused him the most angst is signing autographs!  But I’m sure he signed over 250 items for a complete stranger out of the goodness of his heart.  Sigh.  Another really bad decision by Johnny Rebel.
  • According to several reports, Manziel may have used his buddy Nathan Fitch to broker the deal.  If so (and if it can be proven), then thanks to the Cecil Newton rule Uncle Nate would have to be classified as an agent.  Oh, those silly 20 year olds…kids will be kids, right?

Of course Johnny’s answer to all of this is “I’m 20 years old.  I’m still a sophomore in college.  Still gonna do things that everybody in college does.”  Sadly, many in the media not only are buying this but they are selling it back to us as if these are the reasonable and understandable actions of a kid.  We disagree.

You know, it shouldn’t take Dean Wormer to tell Johnny that “arrogant, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life,” yet that’s where we are.  The sport’s most recognizable figure is consistently pictured in comprising and careless situations, giving no regard for the consequences of his actions.  And, he clearly engaged in something that inhibited his ability to fulfill his obligations to the prestigious Manning camp.  To say Johnny has continually shown poor judgment is like saying Aggie cheerleaders are unlikely to be featured in Playboy’s “Girls of the SEC” edition.

I’m sorry but perhaps taken as singular events you could possibly explain some of it away as the missteps of a young kid.  Taken as a whole, Johnny has a whole lot of explaining to do as thus far he’s shown no ability to learn from his mistakes and make good decisions.  Manziel has consistently shown himself to be reckless and immature, and he has excelled in putting himself in situations he simply shouldn’t be in.  His actions have clearly shown that while there is no “I” in team, there certainly is one in Manziel.

At minimum, Johnny’s summer of “Heisman Gone Wild” placed him everywhere in North America except College Station.  Perhaps Manziel could have avoided all this by staying on campus for a while to work with his teammates in 7 on 7 drills – that’s what AJ McCarron did to win 2 championships, you know.   Johnny Football proudly stated, “Last time I checked championships are what matters.”  Sadly, he seems to have absolutely no idea what it takes to earn them.


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